Track 2

And so I got my first passport.

I messaged the agency that I'd be participating in the audition, and they replied in Japanese: "We're looking forward to it."

I was so excited.

But just as much as I was excited—it also hurt.

Sis was happy for me, saying, "Your hard work is finally paying off," but I couldn't tell my little sisters about the audition.

"Chii-chan, it's a two-night, three-day Southeast Asia trip, right?"

"Have fun!"

The two of them smiled at me so innocently.

Something like lead settled in my chest, growing heavier with each passing day.

I hadn't even passed yet, but as I packed my bags, tears suddenly welled up and my nose stung sharply.

I'm lying. I'm lying and trying to leave my sisters behind.

God, is this okay? Am I doing the wrong thing?

After weeks of conflicted anticipation, the night before my departure finally came.

Both my sisters came down with fevers. They'd apparently caught something going around at school.

While nursing my sisters through their high fevers, I waited for Mom.

But she didn't come home that day.

Should I call her? Tell her, "Please come home. Momoka and Towa are sick"? No. Mom would just say, "they'll be fine if they sleep it off," and hang up.

Should I ask Big sis to come and take care of them?

She'd rush over and tell me, "Don't worry, Chii-chan, go ahead and leave." Then I'd take my first passport, board that plane, and chase my dream—

I stood in the kitchen in the dead of night, filling a basin with water. The towels for cooling my sisters' foreheads danced in the water. The water nearly overflowed, and I hurriedly stopped it.

I can't let the water bill go up.

In the dim kitchen with only a single bulb lit above the sink, I was aware of how small and powerless I really was.

My overflowing tears fell into the basin.

This is my punishment, I thought.

Punishment for trying to leave my sisters behind.

God hadn't smiled at me after all.

I was the one who'd been wrong.

I roughly wiped my tears with my sleeve and returned to my sisters.

After placing cold towels on both their foreheads, I sat in the corner of the room and pulled out my phone. I sent an apologetic DM saying I couldn't make it to the audition and canceled my flight.

It was the day before, so I didn't get any money back.

I leaned against the wall, closed my eyes, and thought that after a quick nap, I'd make rice porridge in the morning.

I'd even add eggs to make it special.

Behind my eyelids, I could see myself dancing.

Me, nervous, but stepping into that audition, dancing even better than usual.

...I practiced that audition piece with my everything.

The version of me dancing with shining eyes popped like a soap bubble and disappeared.

By the next morning, my sisters' fevers had broken.

They cried and apologized, "Chii-chan, you didn't go on your trip?"

I smiled and said, "I can go again soon."

Big sis, worried because I hadn't contacted her, came to the house.

Seeing my littler sisters in their futons, she seemed to understand what had happened and quietly scolded me for not calling her.

I'm sorry, I said. I'm sorry, even though you supported me.

My sister sighed.

"Get some sleep. I'll take over."

That was all she said.

Having let slip that massive opportunity, I spent the next several years applying to whatever auditions I could find, only to be rejected at the document screening stage over and over.

—Then one day, I saw an audition announcement for '13Choose!'

If you became an idol through '13Choose!', your future success was virtually guaranteed.

—I’ll do whatever it takes to become an idol here.

When I passed the document screening, I thought it really was fate this time.

Because out of over ten thousand applicants, they'd chosen me, right?

Maybe God had finally turned to me.

Maybe not making it to that overseas audition had been for this show all along.

A single ray of hope broke through the darkness of my life.

I reached for it, heading to the TV station I'd been summoned to—

And the director told me:

"Dye your hair pink."

"If you could stick around until, say, the semifinals, that would keep the show engaging."

The sound of my heartbeat overlapped with his muttering voice.

Maybe my heart had already broken back then, and I just didn't know it yet.

Natsuyaki’s family shopping trip that day was satisfying—I got to buy clothes for everyone.

Sis offered to treat me in return, so we moved to a café next, eating dazzable-looking pancakes while catching up. My little sisters showed me the Kinyari merch they'd bought, saying, "Look what we got~!"

"Oh man, this expression on Kinyari is insane. So freaking cute!"

We geeked out over it together.

Sis, fresh back from her honeymoon, showed us photos from the trip.

"Here, this is a souvenir for you."

She gave me a cute little trinket.

"Did you have fun in Southeast Asia with Oda-san?"

"It's Mitsuki-neechan's first time overseas, after all~"

As my little sisters and I listened, Sis said with a slight blush that she'd had a great time.

I was happy to see her looking so content.

"...But Southeast Asia—that's where Chii-chan couldn't go because of us, right?"

In the middle of our conversation, Momoka suddenly remembered.

Towa gasped too. "Chii-nii, we're sorry about back then."

To my overly sweet sisters, I laughed it off, "It's totally fine. I go overseas all the time now for training."

But Sis's expression tightened slightly.

When both my little sisters left for the restroom together, Sis apologized.

"So the place you were planning to go back then was Southeast Asia... I'm sorry. Did I make you feel bad by bringing it up?"

Sis was also too kind. My heart ached.

"I'm telling you it's fine! I'm going overseas all the time now, remember? That passport you got for me is getting tons of use!"

"Anyway!" I changed the subject.

"My passport's about to expire, so I was thinking of renewing it."

At that, Sis's eyes widened and she leaned forward urgently.

"You're busy though, right, Chii-chan? Want me to get it for you?"

"C'mon, I'll do it myself this time."

When I declined, she insisted emphatically, "Promise me you'll do it online."

For some reason, her tone was dead serious, and I found myself unable to mention I'd been planning to go to the office.

"Definitely do it online. It's fast, and you don't even need to go get your family register. Online is absolutely the way to go."

She said it so forcefully that I almost asked, "Why do you care so much?"

But while I was thinking about it, my sisters returned.

"Chii-chan! Did you see Ev3ns' SNS update just now?! You're going to be on TV—is that true!?"

"Kinari-chan's appearing too, right!?"

They started making such a fuss that the passport conversation got swept away.

"Yeah, it's just a local HAMA station, but we're doing a segment on a daytime show. Make sure to watch."

"We'll record it and send it to you, Sis!"

"Wait, does that mean you can't watch it outside HAMA?"

Sis, who'd moved away from HAMA, made a devastated face.

"Don't worry, Momo and Towa will definitely record it."

"For sure, right? Oda-san will want to see Tao-kun too."

"Hey c’mon, pay attention to me too, would ya?"

My little sisters and Sis launched into discussing their respective biases.

I listened to all their excited chatter.

While listening, I thought—I'm pretty happy right now.

In the end, what made Sis so against the office application?

Still not understanding, I found myself in front of the government office that day.

I turned my phone camera on.

"Finally here to get my family register! Going directly to the office feels so fresh, doesn't it!? When you imagine everyone in the Heisei era doing this, it gives such a nostalgic vibe~!"

An energetic report. Good footage for the video later.

After checking the shot, I headed toward the office.

Before that, I checked my soon-to-expire passport and saw myself with black hair.

(Tao caught a glimpse of it before I left and got all weird about it~)

When my roommate Tao saw it this morning, I panicked.

Because the photo was completely unflattering and not cute at all. But after seeing black-haired me, Tao went "Ah!" with an unusual reaction.

"What? You wanna say I looked ugly or something!?" I demanded, and he shook his head frantically like "no, no."

"For a second, I felt like I’d seen someone that looked like you. That's why I shouted."

That's what he said.

"Ooh, who? A Heisei-era celeb? Tell me!"

"Nah, not a celebrity, I don't think. Can't remember."

Tao tilted his head, thinking maybe he'd imagined it.

Man, that just makes me more curious~

I'd come to the office without getting an answer from him.

But right now, sitting at the HAMA government office counter, I was so nervous that this morning's exchange seemed completely trivial.

Because I hardly ever come to government offices.

Apparently it's rare nowadays for someone to get their family register at the counter, so they seemed a bit surprised when I asked.

This is also the charm of Heisei! I thought, planning to report that later.

"Here is your family register.”

The staff member handed me the paper they'd printed in the back.

Wow, paper. An actual paper family register. My first time seeing one.

"This will work for my passport renewal, right?"

When I asked without thinking, the staff member looked amused.

"You need it for new applications, but not for renewals."

Huh.

Maybe Sis was telling me to do it online to avoid rookie mistakes like this?

Slightly embarrassed and feeling deflated, I thanked the staff and left the office. After stepping outside, I casually took the family register out of its thin paper envelope.

I wondered if I could find Dad's name.

I wondered just a little, and then—

"...Huh. Why."

Why?

For a moment, I thought the document in front of me was lying.

Then I understood. No, that's not it.

So that's why Mom...?

...That's what I thought.

"...Dad's surname."

I couldn't say anything else.