Track 1

I had spread a mountain of sweets out in the dorm's dining hall that day, and was eating them with Munecchi, Kirokkuma, and a less than thrilled Ryuunya.

All the sweets were gifts from fans. The presents I usually get are usually Heisei-era goods or dazzable treats.

Nayuuki always makes a bitter face and says, "These types of gifts are troublesome... You never know what's in them." But these sweets had passed his strict inspection, so I brought them to the dining hall and invited anyone passing by. And that's how this particular group came together.

"Natsuyaki-san's fans... are amazing. This, I saw on TV... it's… a popular sweet."

The baked goods Kirokkuma held were one of those wait-in-line-for-hours types. I was really touched by my fan's thoughtfulness.

"Chii's so grateful. I want to squeeze 'em all tight, y'know? Chii can't eat everything obvi, but I jot down the names of all the fans who sent gifts in my Chii Notebook."

"That must be the ultimate fan privilege," Munecchi nodded deeply.

That made me feel a little less guilty about not being able to eat everything.

"Oi, how long do I have to stay here?"

Ryuunya's face was scrunched up.

"Stay a bit longer~ Tounya's coming back soon, right?"

When I said that, Ryuunya clicked his tongue.

Ryuunya wouldn’t normally have stuck around if I hadn’t pretty much bribed him with Tounya’s favorite treats.

“Hmm, this packaging is impressive. The ribbon is intricately tied,” said Munecchi, who was amazed by the particularly tricky-to-open treat in front of him. 

"Can I... give this wrapping paper... to my sister?"

Kirokkuma carefully unwrapped the pretty paper and asked.

This place is wall-to-wall cuties. It's a total win for Chii! Thinking that, I kicked back and soaked in the vibe.

"By the way, did you get your passport yet? The study trip’s coming up soon."

Ryuunya suddenly asked, as if just remembering.

"Natsuyaki-san... had a, passport... before, I think."

"I wonder if it's still valid?"

Kirokkuma and Munecchi each showed their concern.

"Mm, it's about to expire, so Chii’s gonna renew it sooooon."

"Just do it online, takes like thirty minutes. They get it done real quick."

"That's the thing. Chii's thinking of applying at the office this time."

"How old-fashioned."

”There…are…other ways, to do it…besides, online…?”

Everyone was surprised when I said I'd get my passport renewed at the office.

"Ain't it a waste of time? You'd have to go to the government office and get your family register and shit. Why go through the hassle?

“But isn’t it, like, totally Heisei-coded and such a retro vibe? Chii was thinking of filming a video like 'Chii Got His Passport the Heisei Way!'"

Kirokkuma and Munecchi thought the video sounded interesting.

"My big sis got it for me by proxy last time, since I was a minor."

Come to think of it, I got it around the same age as Munecchi and the others. When I mentioned that, Kirokkuma asked, "Was that... for an, overseas trip?"

I thought about it for a while, but figured it was okay to tell them.

"Nah, back then I was invited to an audition overseas by a talent agency."

"An international audition is no easy feat."

The two high schoolers applauded.

"Yeah, but it fell through. Hence why I'm sitting here today."

Munecchi and Kirokkuma kindheartedly looked at me. Only Ryuunya brushed it off casually with "that's just how life goes sometimes."

Ryuunya's kind too, I thought.

The alarm on my phone went off, and I let out a sigh—welp, time’s up. I’d promised to tag along with my sisters today, since they were heading to HAMA to do some shopping.

“Sowwy, guys. Looks like it’s time for Chii to bounce. I’ve gotta meet up with Big sis and the girlz,” I said. “Let’s split the snacks we’ve got here, ‘kay?”

As I stood up, I apologized to Ryuunya, who I'd forced to stay.

"I wanted to eat with Tounya too but... sorry."

"Yeah yeah, I'll take some of Toi's favorite sweets, so we're good. More importantly, don't keep your family waiting. Get going."

He was being kind.

"Natsuyaki-san, thank you from the bottom of my heart for inviting us to this delightful gathering."

"Have... a safe trip..."

I left the dining hall as the high schoolers saw me off

As I put on my shoes at the entrance, it all started coming back.

The overseas audition I was invited to. My first passport. My path to debut that never happened.

I let out a sigh.

What was I even thinking back then?

I graduated middle school and was juggling multiple part-time jobs while uploading dance covers of idol songs to dazzle almost daily.

It was my only reason for living, really...

Like it was my lifeline.

Like it gave meaning to my life.

Maybe I just needed someone—anyone—to find me. To find the me that only exists when I dance.

A middle school dropout working minimum wage. I was powerless wherever I went.

The pay was terrible, the work was mundane, the same thing day after day.

Adults looked down on me, and I had to make myself invisible.

But when I danced, I looked cool.

Full of confidence, tackling intense steps and choreography without any fear.

—Someone find me.

Please say it. Tell me I have talent.

While I was praying desperately like that, I received a DM.

An offer from a famous overseas idol agency.

An invitation to audition as an idol trainee candidate.

Even if I passed the audition, I'd only become a trainee. There was no guarantee I'd actually debut as an idol.

Still... Someone had “found” me.

That made me happy.

For the first time since I was born, God, who had always turned away, finally smiled at me. Or so I thought.

I immediately remembered reality.

...Mom would never allow it.

"Who's going to bring money into this house if you go overseas?"

"It's pointless because you won't pass anyway."

"What about Momoka and Towa? Do they not matter to you?"

I could already hear her saying all that.

I already knew.

I probably couldn't go.

But even so, I couldn’t give up. Back then, the only person I talked to was my older sister.

When she heard the situation, my sister insisted that I absolutely had to go.

"This is a huge opportunity. You can't let it slip away."

"But I'd have to leave Momoka and Towa behind."

"They're old enough to understand. And I know they'd want this for you too."

That's the conversation we had.

My sister had already moved out and was living in a nearby apartment, but she said if it came down to it, she'd even move back home.

I was gradually warming up to the idea, but there was one major obstacle to getting a passport.

As a minor, I needed parental consent.

Meaning, I needed Mom's consent.

"Don't tell her it's for an overseas audition."

My sister repeated this firmly.

"Tell her it's for a dirt-cheap trip where you'll be sleeping on hotel floors."

"Will that even work...?"

"You know how sometimes she comes home drunk and in a good mood? Say it then."

Sis said she'd handle the annoying stuff like getting the family register.

I said I felt bad, but she insisted it wasn't difficult.

"The hard part is getting Mom's consent," she said, so I decided to take her up on the offer.

From that day on, I waited patiently for my chance.

Like a cat watching its prey.

A few days later, the opportunity came.

Late at night, Mom came home humming, having finished work.

She was drunk and wearing a necklace I'd never seen before.

"The customer I've got now gave this to me. Chihiro, you might get a new daddy."

Mom said that the moment she saw my face.

"Way better than your real father."

I was glad that my sisters were already asleep.

I took Mom's handbag from her unsteady hands, poured her water, stopped her from banging on the walls and laughing, trying to avoid disturbing the neighbors.

"Hey... I'm still pretty, aren't I..."

Mom murmured as she sat on a kitchen chair, reaching for her cigarettes.

Yeah, you are, I replied, while pressing down my racing heart and finally bringing it up.

"So, um, I want to get a passport. Mom, can you sign the consent form?"

I opened the consent form screen on my phone and showed it to her.

With online passport applications, signing on the screen with your finger counts as consent.

Mom narrowed her eyes. "Where are you going?"

"Well, there's this budget Southeast Asia package where you sleep on hotel floors, and I'm going with a friend from work..."

"Sleeping on the floor~? How pathetic. Whatever, fine."

Mom casually signed the consent, and I was taken aback by how easy it was.

But immediately after,

"I'm going on a trip the day after tomorrow too. With that customer I mentioned. Unlike you, I'll be at a luxury resort hotel."

That made sense.

At least—at least I got the consent...

I quickly selected "yes" to the screen prompt: "Is this signature correct?"

Mom played with her necklace, making it jangle.

"Chihiro, get me a beer from the fridge."

Then she started humming again.

Mom had a beautiful voice and sang really well.

As I took out the beer, I thought about how if I passed the overseas audition, I'd never see Mom again.

But maybe Mom would finally be free from me.

She wouldn't have to keep looking at the person who resembled Dad more and more each day any longer.

"Chihiro, hurry up." she called impatiently.

"Coming, Mom," I answered.

Right away.
Yeah. Right away.

Because your wishes—
I’d make sure to grant them.
As quickly as possible.